I am exhausted BUT….
We have had this date on the books for about a month and of course I have been exhausted and utterly worn out since noon. Why is it that when we have something planned it seems to always be on a day that fibro shows up one way or the other? I know my day was truly exhausting because my four-year-old crashed on our couch. She never just takes a nap all by herself during the day. Her spontaneous nap is how I know my exhaustion is truly justified today. None the less I still need to muster up all the energy possible and enjoy myself tonight. Dates, whether you have been together for a year or 75 years are very important. To important to reschedule.
My husband and I have always believed in the power of date nights but ever since we moved into our new home our dates have been errands or escapes from the kids. You know how that is. So tonight is very important, we have decided to treat it like a romantic date.
The day after
Our date gave us just what we were looking for. Had I decided to stay home and put my comfy clothes on, my husband and I would never have received what we needed last night. As I realize that, I wonder how many other great experiences have I taken away from my family due to Fibromyalgia. There were many times for many years that I just sat in my chair. I did not want to do anymore than I needed to do in order to get through my day. The things I once enjoyed, as with most of you with Fibromyalgia know, were lost. Learning how to live with the side effects of Fibromyalgia is hard enough. Then you add the changes you need to make on how you do things. Not just how many things you do but how you do them.
I know without those changes I would never be as happy as I am today. Those first several years were full of so much pain and lack of understanding for myself. The anger I felt towards myself when I could not do something or held the family back. I am sure many of you can understand that frustration and anger.
I was also insecure about the future of my marriage. We make vows to each other when we are married and should stand by our word, I know. The insecurity came from me feeling as if this medical problem was also effecting him more than I cared for. He married a women who could do everything she needed to and more. Someone who was generally very happy, had energy and never yelled or had PMS. Then I turned into an emotional mess, started having PMS, yelling and always full of stress. So to me he was now married to someone different than he had made those vows to years before.
So to make sure he could be happy, I did let him know, that if he could not stay happy with me because of the Fibromyalgia I understood. I have taken that choice away now though. I am proud that I married a man who fought for me. Anyway he could help he did and still does. Even when I have very emotional days and all I want to do is bite off anyone’s head. I am sure you fully understand that feeling. How about the days when you are angry one second and the next you are crying. Fun, right?
One way I take care of myself
I still feel a little guilty when my husband does the big household chores. Because I cannot do the big chores without having a flare of side effects. But then I remember it is important to make sure I am taken care of too. If me taking care of myself means someone else must mop the floors then great. I found out I have a limitation and how to take care of that limitation. I am very thankful to have someone who understands that and doesn’t give me grief over me not being able to do something.
Some thoughts for you
So many of us are women and believe we can still be Super Woman. But doing that just puts us down again. So why do we act as if we are yo-yo’s? Switching back and forth from doing nothing because we can’t due to some side effect we are dealing with. Or we are bright and cheery and full of energy. We can have more energy, a little bit more mind you and be cheery every day. The thing is we just have to choose how we use our energy.
So take everything slow, try not to stress over to much and give yourself everything you need to go out on that date. If you nurture and then harvest yourself properly you will be able to have fun memory making days. Dates. getaways, girl time, play time. Make sure to take care of yourself and your family will enjoy you a lot more. Not to mention just how much more you will enjoy and like yourself once again too.